I repeated this over and over to myself on my run yesterday.

I had been dreading my long run. 5 weeks out from B & A Trail Marathon I knew that I wanted to do my longest and slowest long run of this training cycle. The only other person who typically runs my pace and also runs long is racing today – which meant this run would be alone.

I looped around my neighborhood for 2 miles – debating where to run. I knew where I wanted to go but I knew that even if I was running slow it would be a hard run filled with hills, gravel, and winding roads.

The moment my mind tries to find an out – to take the easy route – there is something inside of me that tells me I MUST GO WHERE I AM AFRAID TO GO.

Every long run I go on has a purpose.

The purpose of this run was:

• Run my longest long run before B & A Marathon
• Run my slowest pace before B & A Marathon
• Use as little fuel as possible to teach my body to burn fat in the absence of fuel
• To see how bad I want to PR this spring
• To not stop – no water refill – no bathroom break – no stops period

6 miles in to my run I decided to take another ROAD LESS TRAVELED and in doing this found Bull Run Mountain.

I looked at the mountain and the winding road heading up and thought – I do not want to run up a mountain on my longest long run – what are you Dorothy? Crazy?

Then that little innner voice spoke again. HOW BAD DO YOU WANT IT? Are you willing to climb mountains to reach your goals?

I ran up.

I was not alone.

It was me, God, my Kinvaras and the mountain. I felt alive. I was FINDING MY STRONG.

On runs like this I SOOOOOO wish I could bottle up this experience. Give it to someone who has never run before. Show them why I am addicted. Why I do this week after week, month after month, year after year.

Mile 11 was the hardest climbing wise. I looked down at my watch and was running a 12:30 pace. I would not stop.

When I turned around to run down the hard climb. I was scared. I am never scared on runs. I knew my thighs would hurt today. The pounding down from me breaking my stride was going to hurt.

NOTE TO SELF: Return to this mountain for runs before Boston Marathon.

I thought and thought.

I asked for forgiveness from God from any wrongs I had committed. I thanked him for being faithful and giving me a strong mind and body even when I didn't feel strong. I thanked him for my three children that bring me immense joy each day. I thanked him for Eric. I thanked him for the concept of forgiveness and prayed that he would give me more of it.

My body grew more and more tired.

I felt the effects of no breakfast and only 2 shot bloks.

I wanted energy, but knew I must find it from within. This is what it feels like at the end of a marathon. It is hard. The last miles can break you and if you are not physically and mentally strong then you will die a little.

I thought – I must get home – this is too much.

I looked down at my watch 18.18 Miles. I smiled looked up to the sky – said thank you and blew a kiss.

I had been given energy so I pressed on.

The wind felt brutal and I wished I was on a treadmill. I wished I could power up hills with a spring in my step.

It was a couple more miles before I again felt — I must get home – this is too much.

I looked down at my watch – 3:13 [my marathon PR]. I smiled looked up to the sky – said thank you and blew a kiss.

I thought about how insane it was that I see these numbers. So insane that I can't even make this stuff up.

Brothers, I do not consider that I have made it my own. But one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus. (Philippians 3:13-14 ESV)

I thought that I needed to add another purpose to this run – to find my inner bad a$$.

I pushed till had I nothing left and stopped to walk once my garmin hit 24.

When I came inside hubby said if I had been gone for 30 more minutes he was coming to look for me. Bless his heart. Worry = Love.

When I am tired at mile 25 come March 4th – I will remember that I climbed a mountain to get there and not even a mountain could break me – I will press on to finish the race.

Purpose:

• Run my longest long run before B & A Marathon – DONE – 24 miles in 3:22:28
• Run my slowest pace before B & A Marathon – DONE – 8:26 avg
• Use as little fuel as possible to teach my body to burn fat in the absence of fuel – DONE – 2 shot bloks
• To see how bad I want to PR this spring – DONE – bad
• To not stop – no water refill – no bathroom break – no stops period – DONE – didn't stop once
• To find my inner bad a$$ – DONE – I didn't give up and pushed through physical and mental limits

Mile Splits:

• Mile 1: 7:59
• Mile 2: 7:53
• Mile 3: 7:58
• Mile 4: 7:46
• Mile 5: 8:04
• Mile 6: 7:47
• Mile 7: 7:48
• Mile 8: 8:11
• Mile 9: 8:24
• Mile 10: 8:26
• Mile 11: 9:22
• Mile 12: 8:07
• Mile 13: 7:55
• Mile 14: 8:01
• Mile 15: 8:45
• Mile 16: 8:19
• Mile 17: 8:57
• Mile 18: 8:26
• Mile 19: 8:36
• Mile 20: 8:40
• Mile 21: 8:59
• Mile 22: 9:16
• Mile 23: 9:12
• Mile 24: 9:24

How bad do I want it? I want it REAL bad.

How bad do you want it?